I wrote this the day after my mother died, December 4, 2015. If your loss is really recent or you are struggling this year, remember we've already said HONOR your feelings. If you know someone who is struggling this season, maybe these tips will help you support them. Feel free to copy this and share with your friends.
Dear God...
I woke up this morning and it is still TRUE. I am a motherless child . I have never felt a pain this great before in my entire life. I literally feel like I can't breath. Because I know YOU, trust YOU and have always followed YOU, I won't ask WHY you took my momma. I know WHY. She was tired. She had suffered. She had pretended to be OK long enough. I know that. The educated woman in me understands that. But the DAUGHTER in me is just so crushed. The DAUGHTER in me, needed just one MORE day, one more laugh, maybe even to laugh at that thing that she thought so funny and I thought so NOT funny. the DAUGHTER in me says, couldn't you have picked ANOTHER time; not December??
But the follower of Christ in me understands why you chose December. In the month that celebrates YOUR birth, you decided that YOUR daughter had suffered ENOUGH. YOU decided that what better time to give her a RE-BIRTH than in the month that celebrates YOUR birth. She has always followed you. She taught her kids to follow you. When she couldn't give us anything else, she gave us YOU. She taught us to pray, she taught us to SERVE, she taught us to LOVE. As scared as she was about so many things, most of her life and as many mistakes as she may have made, that is the thing that she did EXACTLY right.
So, because she taught me that, I CAN follow YOUR lead here, but God this hurts.
So, I will offer this to my friends as a way to best support me during this season.
1. Don't ask me how I am doing- I HURT. I HURT, I HURT. Please don't ask me because I am going to lie and say FINE. I am NOT fine. I HURT. You can hug me, pray for me and with me or you can say nothing at all, but do NOT ask me how I am doing because you already know.
2. As well meaning as your intentions may be, do NOT ask me what happened?? What happened is.. My momma DIED. She answered God's call. Everything else at this point really does't matter. Asking me what happened makes me have to relive this whole ordeal. Because I know you care for me, you don't want me to do that. I know you don't. There may be a time later that I will want to talk about it, but it is NOT the day after my momma died.
3. If you want to really support me. Give me PERMISSION to be WEAK. i am tired of being STRONG. I don't want to be strong right now. Maybe next month, maybe next year, but right now in this moment, Give me permission to be a SISSY. Tell me it's OK to do that. Understand when I do do that.
4. And although, I know without a doubt that it WILL be OK, please resist the urge to offer that to me right now. That always seems like the most scripted response to me. What I would like for you to do is hug me REALLLLLL Tight, just like my momma would. Tell me you are praying for me- that is OK to say. Share a scripture, a poem, or just an I love you with me, but do NOT tell me that it will be OK because today I am not thinking clearly, so it doesn't feel like it will be and I don't want to feel like you are lying to me.
